http://www.alexandrafranzen.com/
I also write my own books, send out an uplifting weekly-ish newsletter, and teach workshops & writing courses, like this one.
I love coffee, crystals, intense workouts, and exploring questions like, “Where does ‘motivation’ come from? And how can we dig deep and find more?”
I hope you find something here on this website that makes your day… a little brighter than it was before.
I traipsed around Twitter for a couple of years.
I had a brief flirtation with Instagram this summer.
While I have experimented and dabbled with various social media platforms over the years — from MySpace (remember MySpace?) to Friendster to Pinterest and beyond — I rarely play with any platform for more than a year or so.
I currently do not use any social media networking platforms at all.
I do not think I will ever use social media again.
People often ask me, “Why?”
It’s a reasonable question. One that I continue to revisit and reconsider, through the years. Because social media is not “bad” or “evil” by any means. It’s absolutely magical.
Like email, like electricity, like the clean running water that I enjoy here in my privileged Western bubble, social media is a miracle. Social media (well, a dating website, which is sorta the same thing) helped me to find my true love. Social media helps unknown voices get discovered. Social media helps people to express themselves. Social media dissolves the barrier between “maker” and “consumer.” With social media, everyone can be an artist and share their work publicly. These are all very beautiful things. I recognize all of that.
And yet, despite everything, I continually arrive back at the conclusion that social media — at least, in the way that I tend to use it — is “just not for me.”
Why is that?
Well, let’s consider: Twitter.
I was active on Twitter for about 4.5 years. It was fun, amusing, delightful for my ego, and led to a few intriguing opportunities.
Yet, in the midst of my tweetery, I often felt a nagging feeling inside. A voice asking, “Alex, is this really how you want to be spending your life-minutes? Isn’t there something else that might be a more meaningful use of your time? Wouldn’t you rather be walking outside, talking to your mom, writing a novel, having sex, working out, mailing a letter, volunteering, you know, all of those things that you ‘never have enough time’ to do?”
Mostly I would ignore that quiet voice because, ooh, look! A new re-tweet. #dopamineburst
Over the 4-ish years that I was active in the Twitterverse, I tweeted 9,074 times. That’s approximately 2,016 tweets per year.
Let’s fast forward.
Imagine that…
It is the end of my life.
I am (hopefully, if I am lucky) 100 years old, with wispy silver hair, tucked into my deathbed, reflecting upon a century’s worth of dreams, passions, adventures, and a few regrets.
At the end of my life, will I say to myself:
“My God, I am so grateful that I tweeted 151,200 times (2,016 tweets per year times 75 years starting around age 25) over the course of my life. Time well spent! How wonderful!”
Will I say that?
I wish I could say, “Totally! I will feel very pleased!”
But I know, deep in my hut (heart + gut)… that I will not.
I will not feel peaceful and content, knowing that I tweeted 151,200 times over the course of my life.
I will feel unsettled. I will feel remorse. Regret.
I will calculate all of the minutes that I spent coming up with thousands upon thousands of tweets — thinking about those tweets, typing those tweets, editing those tweets, publishing those tweets, tracking to see who “liked” and “re-tweeted” my tweets, and then re-sharing my witticisms on various other platforms — and I would probably come to the grim conclusion that it was somewhere in the realm of 1.8 million minutes spent on Twitter, alone.
1.8 million minutes of my life.
1,250 days. About 3.4 years.
At that point, I will probably cry.
I will mourn my lost life-minutes, never to be recovered.
I will fantasize about all of the things I could have done with that time.
The kisses, the walks, the rich conversations, the sunbathing, the moongazing, the books, unwritten.
I will desperately want to claw my way back through time for a chance to do it over.
I will not be offered that chance.
So that is why I no longer use social media and why I probably won’t use it again.
Because I know that at the end of my life, it’s not an investment of time that I will feel deeply proud of. To the contrary, it’s one I will probably regret.
Others may feel very differently and that’s perfectly OK. This is my life. You’ve got yours.
The purpose of this mini-essay is not to say “social media is good” or “bad,” but rather to pose this question:
“The average human lifespan is 39,420,000 minutes, if you are lucky. How are you currently spending those minutes? Where are they going? At the end of your life, how will you feel about that?”
This can be a frightening question to face, but ultimately, it might be the only question that really matters.
-Alex
I love working out.
I’ve attempted to do both at the same time, but this usually leads to snail-like crawling on the elliptical machine while squinting to discern the next line of whatever post-apocalyptian dystopian drama I’m trying to devour. (Note to self: switch to audio books!)
If you’re a bookworm and you want to get fit, stretchy, and strong — but you’re struggling to find a style of exercise that doesn’t make your entire face look like a sad emoticon — here is a list of recommended fitness regimes based on your literary obsessions.
Whatever inspires you to read… can also inspire you to sweat!
IF YOU LOVE…
TRAVEL BOOKS about glorious cities, islands, nations, cultures, and adventurous treks to farflung locations [like In A Sunburned Country by Bill Bryson or Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.]
TRY: Choosing a long, intense “trek” or “trail hike” or “biking / walking tour” that you’d like to complete within the next year.
Maybe a bicycle tour around the island of Maui, or the Camina de Santiago in Europe or the Pacific Crest Trail that Cheryl Strayed traverses in her memoir, Wild.
Calculate the distance you’ll be biking / walking to set a specific fitness goal for yourself.
Once you’ve selected your trek, purchase a ticket and put the date in your calendar. Make it official.
Then create a training plan (just like an athlete!) to ramp up your strength and endurance over the course of several weeks or months… so that you can safely complete your epic pilgrimage. Hire a personal trainer to help you map out a training program if you feel flummoxed. (While you work out, listen to inspiring travel podcasts or books-on-tape about your future destination. The time will fly!)
IF YOU LOVE…
PSYCHOLOGY / HAPPINESS BOOKS about how we can re-design our lives, enjoy happier relationships, and live more peacefully and joyfully [like Daring Greatly by Brené Brown or The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin].
TRY: A yoga and cardio-dance-inspired workout that feels like a glimmering disco ball of positivity, like Intensati or a Shrink Session.
With both of these workouts, you call out confidence-building affirmations (“I am strong!” “I am focused!” “I achieve my goals!” “Nothing can stop me!”) while you bop, squat, jump, and get your heart rate pumping. Fans of these techniques say that it often feels ridiculous at first, but the results are flat-out amazing.
IF YOU LOVE…
SPIRITUALITY BOOKS on meditation, mindfulness, presence, minimalism, and living on purpose [like The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo or Start Where You Are by Pema Chödrön.]
TRY: Any form of fitness that feels like a meditative, repetitive, solitary pursuit, like rowing, walking, swimming, or “zen running.”
As you create your fitness plan and complete your workouts, see if you can adopt the Japanese philosophy of Kaizen, where the point of your effort is to make “continual improvement” rather than aiming for rigid “perfection.”
IF YOU LOVE…
PRODUCTIVITY / BUSINESS BOOKS filled with “life hacks” to get more done in less time and tips on how to optimize your workday for maximum success, profit, world domination, etc. [like anything by Malcolm Gladwell, Seth Godin, Ramit Sethi, and folks like that]
TRY: A science-driven fitness regime like High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) which allows for maximum fitness benefits in a relatively compressed amount of time.
Another buzzword for you to know: Tabata training, a powerful form of interval training developed by Japanese researcher Dr. Izumi Tabata. Tabata training (where you push hard for 20 seconds, rest for 10, push for 20, rest for 10, and repeat for a total of 4 minutes) has been shown to have huge benefits for cardiovascular fitness and muscle strength.
IF YOU LOVE…
SEXY, SMUTTY, EROTIC BOOKS about love, sex, angst, lust, more love, and more sex [like Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James or Priest by Sierra Simone]
TRY: Pole dancing! It’s an insanely good workout with just the right amount of smut-factor. Tip: NO LOTION on your legs or you will slide down to the ground with a painful thump.
You might also enjoy burlesque dancing classes, Bollywood dancing, or maybe even running. (Christian Grey is always running around town looking tortured and morose in a gray hoodie sweater. Why not plan out a walking or running tour where you visit all of the memorable filming locations from the Fifty Shades movie, hmm?)
IF YOU LOVE…
DYSTOPIAN FANTASY BOOKS about post-apocalyptic worlds where the government is pure evil and teenagers are in charge of everything, for some reason [like The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins or The Uglies Series by Scott Westerfeld]
TRY: A form of fitness that brings out your inner warrior, like archery, fencing or Krav Maga.
Or, consider training for an bad-ass event that pushes all your fear-buttons, like the Reebok Spartan Race. (I’ll be participating in a Spartan event this winter and another next spring! GULP.)
IF YOU LOVE…
AUTOBIOGRAPHIES / BIOGRAPHIES about amazing people achieving incredible victories against all the odds [like My Fight / Your Fight by Ronda Rousey or Rusch To Glory by Rebecca Rusch]
TRY: Combat sports, martial arts, boxing, or training for an endurance event that you don’t believe you could ever possibly do, like a local 5K or 10K run, or even a half-marathon.
You might be very surprised to discover what your body is truly capable of. Take all of your doubts, train diligently, and prove yourself wrong.
IF YOU LOVE…
TWILIGHT. Maybe you’re still really, really into Twilight, heavily breathing and waiting for a new installment in the teen vampire series so that your life can be complete. Yes, there is a Twilight-inspired workout just for you. Several, in fact. Nicole, you’re welcome.
Happy reading. Happy sweating.
Be safe. Be smart. Be brave. Have fun!
He cooks. They smile. Such a direct line of pleasure. So simple.
I wonder, sometimes, if he would be equally happy as a “cooking teacher” or running a “cooking blog” or being the CEO of a food-related company.
My guess is that he’d be marvelously successful in any of those roles, and I’m sure he’d be quite content for a while.
But…
Sooner or later, I have a feeling he’d be itching, twitching, yearning to get back into the kitchen. Back to the place where he can actually make something with his hands.
I am wired the same way.
I love writing about how to become a better writer.
I love teaching workshops to help people become better writers.
I love helping people to get un-blocked and create beautiful things.
I love ghostwriting and helping my clients to move their projects & missions forward, too.
But lately, I’ve been feeling… itchy.
That “I need to get back in the kitchen” itch.
The urge to create something real and tangible that is… mine.
Not writing about writing. Just writing.
Not discussing how to be more creative. Just creating.
Not motivating other people to achieve wonderful goals. Just meeting my own goals.
Do you feel it, too?
That irritating prickle that’s becoming tough to ignore?
What is the itch that you need to scratch?
What are you aching to make with your own fingers, your mind, your muscle and heart, your bare hands?
Make the time to bring it to life.
Nothing will feel right until you do.
The kitchen is waiting.
You can make anything you want.
Don’t worry about anyone else for a moment.
What’s going to satisfy… you?
My friend Nicole — a former couch potato who is currently training for her first ultra-marathon, and who writes prolifically about what it takes to achieve big, long-term goals — once said to me:
“Everyone wants to change their life… without actually having to change their life.”
This makes me chuckle, because ain’t that the truth?
We all want big results… without actually having to, you know, do hard things.
Most people are perfectly happy to throw some money at a gym membership, or a business consultant, or a pair of new yoga pants, or a new piece of software, or an e-course, and so on, thinking that “spending” is the same as “doing the difficult, uncomfortable, often tedious and repetitive things that are required in order to build lasting success.”
You & I both know: “spending” isn’t enough. That’s not how it works.
But explaining this to someone, tactfully, can be difficult.
You don’t want to sound accusatory (“You’re lazy and you’re not doing what you ought to be doing!”) or defensive (“Well, it’s not MY fault your life / business sucks!”).
This is a conversation where you’ll want to channel your Inner Mister Rogers and use your most encouraging teacher / mentor voice.
Here’s my advice:
When someone reaches out to you and says something like…
This means having an “expectation-setting conversation” BEFORE you officially begin working together.
You could hold this conversation over a phone call, via email, or face to face.
You might say something like…
You, oh Thoughtful Service Provider, have already created a helpful resource that’s going to support your client in taking the next few steps. For example, in your case, you might say:
You can close out your conversation by reinforcing that — Yes! — you are excited to collaborate and you can’t wait to be a “part of the team.”
TEAM.
As as, multiple players, pieces, and components.
This will reinforce, yet again, that your role — providing compelling language and advice — is just one piece of the pie, not the whole darn pastry.
OK. Summary-time!
To pin things down into a neat list:
– Hold an expectation-setting conversation with your client at the very beginning of your relationship. This is a MUST.
– Be upbeat and encouraging (“Yes! Your dream is doable”) but also completely honest and direct about what is going to be required (“And if that’s what you want, then this is what it’s going to take…”).
– Get things in writing. Send an email outlining ALL of your recommended action steps. That way, if you get any complaints from your client later down the line, you can say, “I’m sorry you’re frustrated. Let’s review the 10 recommendations I made back when we started working together. Which of those 10 have you tried so far?”
That is all.
If you do these things, most of your clients will be EVEN MORE excited about working with you, because you’ll be demonstrating that you’re a caring, professional, strategic person who really wants your client to succeed, and who isn’t going to “sugarcoat” the truth about what it takes to build success.
(Oh, and this advice goes for all industries — fitness training, life coaching, reiki healing, photography, home renovation, etc. — not just the writing / business consulting realm.)
No shortcuts to success in business, writing, fitness, or any kind of meaningful pursuit.
Just the work. Easy, at times. Grueling, at others. But always worth it.
Good Question is an advice column about writing, communication, creativity, and how to be a decent human being in a complicated world. Looking for past columns? Go here.
“I’ve got opinions! I’m a seasoned public speaker, uh, sort of! Plus, my hair is amazing! C’mon… I’m destined for this!”
I decided I would pitch a local TV station with an uplifting concept for a segment on the power of gratitude — specifically: why we all need to write more handwritten “thank you” notes — just in time for World Gratitude Day.
I had a new book coming out — a collection of adorable notes that you can fill out and give to people you love — so the timing was doubly-perfect.
I emailed the newsdesk to pitch the segment. No response.
I reached out to one of the on-air hosts on Twitter to introduce myself. No response.
I recorded a voice note for the news director and attached that to another email. Emailed again. No response.
I encouraged my Twitter friends and followers (over 12,000 people at that time) to tweet at the TV station and encourage them to bring me on the air. Twitter exploded with beautiful enthusiasm. From the TV station? Still: no response.
I did everything I could think of and… nothing happened.
Ultimately, I decided to just let it go and focus my attention elsewhere. There are a million and one reasons why someone might not “want” you, and that’s life. I get it. I’m zen like that.
However…
Once in a blue moon, my memories drift back to that experience… and similar experiences that I’ve had throughout my life and career… and experiences that I’m having right now, where there’s something I want (or at least, something I SAY that I want) but don’t have yet.
When I’m not getting the results that I crave, it’s relatively easy for me to brush it off and say something chilled out like, “Oh, all in good time…” or “When it’s meant to be, it’ll happen!”
It’s much tougher and grittier to stop myself in my tracks and ask,
“How hard am I trying, really?”
Because 95% of the time, the answer is:
“Pretty hard! Maybe. Sort of. OK, actually, let’s be honest… not really very hard at all. Damn.”
I’m guessing this is true for you, too.
You say you want six-pack abs but you’re unwilling to dial up the intensity during your workouts or forgo your daily muffin that’s the size of your face. How hard are you trying, really?
You say you’re ready to meet your soulmate and you sense that he / she is out there, drawing closer, every day. But it’s Saturday night and you’re watching Netflix reruns at home on the couch. How hard are you trying, really?
You say you’re ready for your first big media opportunity (or a promotion, or your dream job, or a bustling, thriving business). But you hide behind your computer screen, sending emails to try to woo people and move things forward, figuring “Hey, that’s enough! I SENT AN EMAIL AFTER ALL.” But seriously, now. How hard are you trying, really?
The gnarly truth is that, usually, we’re not operating at full capacity. We refuse to dig deep. We don’t want to tolerate even a moment of temporary discomfort, even when we know it’s a necessary part of the journey to excellence. We make excuses. We flake out & hold back.
And then we grumble when we don’t get what we want.
As my friend Susan often says, it’s fine if you want to hold back and chill out.
But if that’s what you choose, then…
“Don’t be mad about the results you didn’t get from the work you didn’t do.”
I’m not advocating that anybody push themselves to the point of injury, burn out, anxiety, or depression.
I’m all for relaxation. (I literally have three beds in my 1-bedroom apartment: sleeping bed, flopping bed, and outside-balcony bed.)
What I’m saying (mostly to myself, because I need to re-learn this lesson continually) is that before you decide that your goal or dream just “isn’t meant to be,” check in and see if you’re actually “trying” as diligently and courageously as you could be.
In all likelihood, you’re not. Which doesn’t make you a “bad” or “lazy” person.
It just makes you a person who is facing a choice, a fresh opportunity:
Walk away, let it go, or go harder… bigger… braver.
What’s it going to be?
Hello. My name is Alexandra Franzen.
I work as a ghostwriter for brands in the health, wellness, creativity and personal development industries.I also write my own books, send out an uplifting weekly-ish newsletter, and teach workshops & writing courses, like this one.
I love coffee, crystals, intense workouts, and exploring questions like, “Where does ‘motivation’ come from? And how can we dig deep and find more?”
I hope you find something here on this website that makes your day… a little brighter than it was before.
Why I do not use social media anymore.
I had a Facebook account for about 24 hours.I traipsed around Twitter for a couple of years.
I had a brief flirtation with Instagram this summer.
While I have experimented and dabbled with various social media platforms over the years — from MySpace (remember MySpace?) to Friendster to Pinterest and beyond — I rarely play with any platform for more than a year or so.
I currently do not use any social media networking platforms at all.
I do not think I will ever use social media again.
People often ask me, “Why?”
It’s a reasonable question. One that I continue to revisit and reconsider, through the years. Because social media is not “bad” or “evil” by any means. It’s absolutely magical.
Like email, like electricity, like the clean running water that I enjoy here in my privileged Western bubble, social media is a miracle. Social media (well, a dating website, which is sorta the same thing) helped me to find my true love. Social media helps unknown voices get discovered. Social media helps people to express themselves. Social media dissolves the barrier between “maker” and “consumer.” With social media, everyone can be an artist and share their work publicly. These are all very beautiful things. I recognize all of that.
And yet, despite everything, I continually arrive back at the conclusion that social media — at least, in the way that I tend to use it — is “just not for me.”
Why is that?
Well, let’s consider: Twitter.
I was active on Twitter for about 4.5 years. It was fun, amusing, delightful for my ego, and led to a few intriguing opportunities.
Yet, in the midst of my tweetery, I often felt a nagging feeling inside. A voice asking, “Alex, is this really how you want to be spending your life-minutes? Isn’t there something else that might be a more meaningful use of your time? Wouldn’t you rather be walking outside, talking to your mom, writing a novel, having sex, working out, mailing a letter, volunteering, you know, all of those things that you ‘never have enough time’ to do?”
Mostly I would ignore that quiet voice because, ooh, look! A new re-tweet. #dopamineburst
Over the 4-ish years that I was active in the Twitterverse, I tweeted 9,074 times. That’s approximately 2,016 tweets per year.
Let’s fast forward.
Imagine that…
It is the end of my life.
I am (hopefully, if I am lucky) 100 years old, with wispy silver hair, tucked into my deathbed, reflecting upon a century’s worth of dreams, passions, adventures, and a few regrets.
At the end of my life, will I say to myself:
“My God, I am so grateful that I tweeted 151,200 times (2,016 tweets per year times 75 years starting around age 25) over the course of my life. Time well spent! How wonderful!”
Will I say that?
I wish I could say, “Totally! I will feel very pleased!”
But I know, deep in my hut (heart + gut)… that I will not.
I will not feel peaceful and content, knowing that I tweeted 151,200 times over the course of my life.
I will feel unsettled. I will feel remorse. Regret.
I will calculate all of the minutes that I spent coming up with thousands upon thousands of tweets — thinking about those tweets, typing those tweets, editing those tweets, publishing those tweets, tracking to see who “liked” and “re-tweeted” my tweets, and then re-sharing my witticisms on various other platforms — and I would probably come to the grim conclusion that it was somewhere in the realm of 1.8 million minutes spent on Twitter, alone.
1.8 million minutes of my life.
1,250 days. About 3.4 years.
At that point, I will probably cry.
I will mourn my lost life-minutes, never to be recovered.
I will fantasize about all of the things I could have done with that time.
The kisses, the walks, the rich conversations, the sunbathing, the moongazing, the books, unwritten.
I will desperately want to claw my way back through time for a chance to do it over.
I will not be offered that chance.
So that is why I no longer use social media and why I probably won’t use it again.
Because I know that at the end of my life, it’s not an investment of time that I will feel deeply proud of. To the contrary, it’s one I will probably regret.
Others may feel very differently and that’s perfectly OK. This is my life. You’ve got yours.
The purpose of this mini-essay is not to say “social media is good” or “bad,” but rather to pose this question:
“The average human lifespan is 39,420,000 minutes, if you are lucky. How are you currently spending those minutes? Where are they going? At the end of your life, how will you feel about that?”
This can be a frightening question to face, but ultimately, it might be the only question that really matters.
-Alex
– Here’s another interesting question to consider: “Is social media helping me to become the best version of myself?” If the answer is “Yes” (and it very well may be) then, carry on! Create. Share. Inspire. Entice. Rock on. But if the answer is “No,” that’s something worth pondering.
– Wondering how to “quit” Facebook? I wrote a few words on that topic awhile back. Here you go.
– Is it possible to run a successful business without using social media to promote your work? Yes. Yes it is. I will write about that… next.
Gym rats & bookworms! Choose a fitness program you will love… based on your favorite type of book.
I love reading.I love working out.
I’ve attempted to do both at the same time, but this usually leads to snail-like crawling on the elliptical machine while squinting to discern the next line of whatever post-apocalyptian dystopian drama I’m trying to devour. (Note to self: switch to audio books!)
If you’re a bookworm and you want to get fit, stretchy, and strong — but you’re struggling to find a style of exercise that doesn’t make your entire face look like a sad emoticon — here is a list of recommended fitness regimes based on your literary obsessions.
Whatever inspires you to read… can also inspire you to sweat!
IF YOU LOVE…
TRAVEL BOOKS about glorious cities, islands, nations, cultures, and adventurous treks to farflung locations [like In A Sunburned Country by Bill Bryson or Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.]
TRY: Choosing a long, intense “trek” or “trail hike” or “biking / walking tour” that you’d like to complete within the next year.
Maybe a bicycle tour around the island of Maui, or the Camina de Santiago in Europe or the Pacific Crest Trail that Cheryl Strayed traverses in her memoir, Wild.
Calculate the distance you’ll be biking / walking to set a specific fitness goal for yourself.
Once you’ve selected your trek, purchase a ticket and put the date in your calendar. Make it official.
Then create a training plan (just like an athlete!) to ramp up your strength and endurance over the course of several weeks or months… so that you can safely complete your epic pilgrimage. Hire a personal trainer to help you map out a training program if you feel flummoxed. (While you work out, listen to inspiring travel podcasts or books-on-tape about your future destination. The time will fly!)
IF YOU LOVE…
PSYCHOLOGY / HAPPINESS BOOKS about how we can re-design our lives, enjoy happier relationships, and live more peacefully and joyfully [like Daring Greatly by Brené Brown or The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin].
TRY: A yoga and cardio-dance-inspired workout that feels like a glimmering disco ball of positivity, like Intensati or a Shrink Session.
With both of these workouts, you call out confidence-building affirmations (“I am strong!” “I am focused!” “I achieve my goals!” “Nothing can stop me!”) while you bop, squat, jump, and get your heart rate pumping. Fans of these techniques say that it often feels ridiculous at first, but the results are flat-out amazing.
IF YOU LOVE…
SPIRITUALITY BOOKS on meditation, mindfulness, presence, minimalism, and living on purpose [like The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo or Start Where You Are by Pema Chödrön.]
TRY: Any form of fitness that feels like a meditative, repetitive, solitary pursuit, like rowing, walking, swimming, or “zen running.”
As you create your fitness plan and complete your workouts, see if you can adopt the Japanese philosophy of Kaizen, where the point of your effort is to make “continual improvement” rather than aiming for rigid “perfection.”
IF YOU LOVE…
PRODUCTIVITY / BUSINESS BOOKS filled with “life hacks” to get more done in less time and tips on how to optimize your workday for maximum success, profit, world domination, etc. [like anything by Malcolm Gladwell, Seth Godin, Ramit Sethi, and folks like that]
TRY: A science-driven fitness regime like High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) which allows for maximum fitness benefits in a relatively compressed amount of time.
Another buzzword for you to know: Tabata training, a powerful form of interval training developed by Japanese researcher Dr. Izumi Tabata. Tabata training (where you push hard for 20 seconds, rest for 10, push for 20, rest for 10, and repeat for a total of 4 minutes) has been shown to have huge benefits for cardiovascular fitness and muscle strength.
IF YOU LOVE…
SEXY, SMUTTY, EROTIC BOOKS about love, sex, angst, lust, more love, and more sex [like Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James or Priest by Sierra Simone]
TRY: Pole dancing! It’s an insanely good workout with just the right amount of smut-factor. Tip: NO LOTION on your legs or you will slide down to the ground with a painful thump.
You might also enjoy burlesque dancing classes, Bollywood dancing, or maybe even running. (Christian Grey is always running around town looking tortured and morose in a gray hoodie sweater. Why not plan out a walking or running tour where you visit all of the memorable filming locations from the Fifty Shades movie, hmm?)
IF YOU LOVE…
DYSTOPIAN FANTASY BOOKS about post-apocalyptic worlds where the government is pure evil and teenagers are in charge of everything, for some reason [like The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins or The Uglies Series by Scott Westerfeld]
TRY: A form of fitness that brings out your inner warrior, like archery, fencing or Krav Maga.
Or, consider training for an bad-ass event that pushes all your fear-buttons, like the Reebok Spartan Race. (I’ll be participating in a Spartan event this winter and another next spring! GULP.)
IF YOU LOVE…
AUTOBIOGRAPHIES / BIOGRAPHIES about amazing people achieving incredible victories against all the odds [like My Fight / Your Fight by Ronda Rousey or Rusch To Glory by Rebecca Rusch]
TRY: Combat sports, martial arts, boxing, or training for an endurance event that you don’t believe you could ever possibly do, like a local 5K or 10K run, or even a half-marathon.
You might be very surprised to discover what your body is truly capable of. Take all of your doubts, train diligently, and prove yourself wrong.
IF YOU LOVE…
TWILIGHT. Maybe you’re still really, really into Twilight, heavily breathing and waiting for a new installment in the teen vampire series so that your life can be complete. Yes, there is a Twilight-inspired workout just for you. Several, in fact. Nicole, you’re welcome.
Happy reading. Happy sweating.
Be safe. Be smart. Be brave. Have fun!
Disclaimer: I am not a physician. I am a writer and fitness enthusiast with no kids and, thusly, apparently, way too much free time in which to dream up work out / book combinations. Don’t start a fitness program without your doctor’s authorization. Don’t hurt yourself. Don’t sue me. Thank you. Etc.
The kitchen is waiting.
I envy my boyfriend, Brandon — who works as a professional chef — because every single day he wakes up and makes delicious, tasty things that make people happy.He cooks. They smile. Such a direct line of pleasure. So simple.
I wonder, sometimes, if he would be equally happy as a “cooking teacher” or running a “cooking blog” or being the CEO of a food-related company.
My guess is that he’d be marvelously successful in any of those roles, and I’m sure he’d be quite content for a while.
But…
Sooner or later, I have a feeling he’d be itching, twitching, yearning to get back into the kitchen. Back to the place where he can actually make something with his hands.
I am wired the same way.
I love writing about how to become a better writer.
I love teaching workshops to help people become better writers.
I love helping people to get un-blocked and create beautiful things.
I love ghostwriting and helping my clients to move their projects & missions forward, too.
But lately, I’ve been feeling… itchy.
That “I need to get back in the kitchen” itch.
The urge to create something real and tangible that is… mine.
Not writing about writing. Just writing.
Not discussing how to be more creative. Just creating.
Not motivating other people to achieve wonderful goals. Just meeting my own goals.
Do you feel it, too?
That irritating prickle that’s becoming tough to ignore?
What is the itch that you need to scratch?
What are you aching to make with your own fingers, your mind, your muscle and heart, your bare hands?
Make the time to bring it to life.
Nothing will feel right until you do.
The kitchen is waiting.
You can make anything you want.
Don’t worry about anyone else for a moment.
What’s going to satisfy… you?
Good Question: My client isn’t getting “results” and she’s upset… with me. Now what?
Dear Alex,Dear Nameless One,
Like you, I do a lot of ghostwriting for clients and a bit of consulting.
Most of the time, my clients get great results. My work and suggestions bring a lot of traffic and sales their way, but I have the occasional client who’s upset because it seems like my stuff isn’t “working.”
In reality, there are much larger issues at play — their site is poorly designed, they don’t promote their work on social media, their offerings are overpriced or unnecessarily complicated, they’re not networking to find clients, and so on.
Is there a way for me to politely and diplomatically tell them this?
–[Please don’t use my name]
My friend Nicole — a former couch potato who is currently training for her first ultra-marathon, and who writes prolifically about what it takes to achieve big, long-term goals — once said to me:
“Everyone wants to change their life… without actually having to change their life.”
This makes me chuckle, because ain’t that the truth?
We all want big results… without actually having to, you know, do hard things.
Most people are perfectly happy to throw some money at a gym membership, or a business consultant, or a pair of new yoga pants, or a new piece of software, or an e-course, and so on, thinking that “spending” is the same as “doing the difficult, uncomfortable, often tedious and repetitive things that are required in order to build lasting success.”
You & I both know: “spending” isn’t enough. That’s not how it works.
But explaining this to someone, tactfully, can be difficult.
You don’t want to sound accusatory (“You’re lazy and you’re not doing what you ought to be doing!”) or defensive (“Well, it’s not MY fault your life / business sucks!”).
This is a conversation where you’ll want to channel your Inner Mister Rogers and use your most encouraging teacher / mentor voice.
Here’s my advice:
When someone reaches out to you and says something like…
I want to hire you for writing project.Your next move, as the writer / consultant / service provider, is to establish some healthy expectations right from the get-go.
I’m hoping you can re-write my website so that I can start attracting more clients and customers.
I want to double my sales this year.
This means having an “expectation-setting conversation” BEFORE you officially begin working together.
You could hold this conversation over a phone call, via email, or face to face.
You might say something like…
Hey, I wanted to thank you again for inquiring about hiring me for a writing project.After that, you’d go on to elaborate:
I love that you’ve got a clearly-defined goal — to double your sales — and you seem highly motivated to make it happen.
Here’s what I’ve found, after working with hundreds of clients over the past several years:
Having the right words on your website can definitely help you to impress potential clients, get more bookings, and hit your revenue goals — but “words” are just one piece of the pie.
I’ve met some business owners who have this notion that after putting awesome new language on their website, everything is going to magically click into place. Boom! Instant sales. Oprah calling. Etc. I wish that were true, but that’s not the case.And then, good news!
You probably already know this, but I always like to remind my clients that “awesome words” are just one component of your overall business and marketing plan.
My most-successful clients — the kinds of people who hit, and even surpass, their goals — tend to be people who have clear, powerful language and who ALSO invest in a beautifully-designed website, promote their work on social media, encourage clients to send word of mouth referrals, seek out media and publicity opportunities, do a weekly newsletter to keep in touch with their business audience, and so on.
You, oh Thoughtful Service Provider, have already created a helpful resource that’s going to support your client in taking the next few steps. For example, in your case, you might say:
Not long ago, I wrote a blog post called 10 things you can do to get more clients (… besides hire a professional writer to revamp your website). I will email that post to you. For best results, I’d recommend doing EVERYTHING on that list. Sound good?Your client will (almost assuredly) say “Yes, that sounds good! Send me that blog post!” and you will say, “Perfect. Watch your inbox later today.”
You can close out your conversation by reinforcing that — Yes! — you are excited to collaborate and you can’t wait to be a “part of the team.”
TEAM.
As as, multiple players, pieces, and components.
This will reinforce, yet again, that your role — providing compelling language and advice — is just one piece of the pie, not the whole darn pastry.
OK. Summary-time!
To pin things down into a neat list:
– Hold an expectation-setting conversation with your client at the very beginning of your relationship. This is a MUST.
– Be upbeat and encouraging (“Yes! Your dream is doable”) but also completely honest and direct about what is going to be required (“And if that’s what you want, then this is what it’s going to take…”).
– Get things in writing. Send an email outlining ALL of your recommended action steps. That way, if you get any complaints from your client later down the line, you can say, “I’m sorry you’re frustrated. Let’s review the 10 recommendations I made back when we started working together. Which of those 10 have you tried so far?”
That is all.
If you do these things, most of your clients will be EVEN MORE excited about working with you, because you’ll be demonstrating that you’re a caring, professional, strategic person who really wants your client to succeed, and who isn’t going to “sugarcoat” the truth about what it takes to build success.
(Oh, and this advice goes for all industries — fitness training, life coaching, reiki healing, photography, home renovation, etc. — not just the writing / business consulting realm.)
“There are no shortcuts to victory.” –Richard LugarThat’s the stone-cold truth.
No shortcuts to success in business, writing, fitness, or any kind of meaningful pursuit.
Just the work. Easy, at times. Grueling, at others. But always worth it.
Good Question is an advice column about writing, communication, creativity, and how to be a decent human being in a complicated world. Looking for past columns? Go here.
How hard are you trying, really?
A couple years back, I got this notion that I should be on TV.“I’ve got opinions! I’m a seasoned public speaker, uh, sort of! Plus, my hair is amazing! C’mon… I’m destined for this!”
I decided I would pitch a local TV station with an uplifting concept for a segment on the power of gratitude — specifically: why we all need to write more handwritten “thank you” notes — just in time for World Gratitude Day.
I had a new book coming out — a collection of adorable notes that you can fill out and give to people you love — so the timing was doubly-perfect.
I emailed the newsdesk to pitch the segment. No response.
I reached out to one of the on-air hosts on Twitter to introduce myself. No response.
I recorded a voice note for the news director and attached that to another email. Emailed again. No response.
I encouraged my Twitter friends and followers (over 12,000 people at that time) to tweet at the TV station and encourage them to bring me on the air. Twitter exploded with beautiful enthusiasm. From the TV station? Still: no response.
I did everything I could think of and… nothing happened.
Ultimately, I decided to just let it go and focus my attention elsewhere. There are a million and one reasons why someone might not “want” you, and that’s life. I get it. I’m zen like that.
However…
Once in a blue moon, my memories drift back to that experience… and similar experiences that I’ve had throughout my life and career… and experiences that I’m having right now, where there’s something I want (or at least, something I SAY that I want) but don’t have yet.
When I’m not getting the results that I crave, it’s relatively easy for me to brush it off and say something chilled out like, “Oh, all in good time…” or “When it’s meant to be, it’ll happen!”
It’s much tougher and grittier to stop myself in my tracks and ask,
“How hard am I trying, really?”
Because 95% of the time, the answer is:
“Pretty hard! Maybe. Sort of. OK, actually, let’s be honest… not really very hard at all. Damn.”
I’m guessing this is true for you, too.
You say you want six-pack abs but you’re unwilling to dial up the intensity during your workouts or forgo your daily muffin that’s the size of your face. How hard are you trying, really?
You say you’re ready to meet your soulmate and you sense that he / she is out there, drawing closer, every day. But it’s Saturday night and you’re watching Netflix reruns at home on the couch. How hard are you trying, really?
You say you’re ready for your first big media opportunity (or a promotion, or your dream job, or a bustling, thriving business). But you hide behind your computer screen, sending emails to try to woo people and move things forward, figuring “Hey, that’s enough! I SENT AN EMAIL AFTER ALL.” But seriously, now. How hard are you trying, really?
The gnarly truth is that, usually, we’re not operating at full capacity. We refuse to dig deep. We don’t want to tolerate even a moment of temporary discomfort, even when we know it’s a necessary part of the journey to excellence. We make excuses. We flake out & hold back.
And then we grumble when we don’t get what we want.
As my friend Susan often says, it’s fine if you want to hold back and chill out.
But if that’s what you choose, then…
“Don’t be mad about the results you didn’t get from the work you didn’t do.”
I’m not advocating that anybody push themselves to the point of injury, burn out, anxiety, or depression.
I’m all for relaxation. (I literally have three beds in my 1-bedroom apartment: sleeping bed, flopping bed, and outside-balcony bed.)
What I’m saying (mostly to myself, because I need to re-learn this lesson continually) is that before you decide that your goal or dream just “isn’t meant to be,” check in and see if you’re actually “trying” as diligently and courageously as you could be.
In all likelihood, you’re not. Which doesn’t make you a “bad” or “lazy” person.
It just makes you a person who is facing a choice, a fresh opportunity:
Walk away, let it go, or go harder… bigger… braver.
What’s it going to be?
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