The Ultimate Guide to Writing Better Than You Normally Do.
- - - -
[Originally published April 10, 2012.]
- - -
WRITE EVERY DAY
Writing is a muscle. Smaller than a hamstring and slightly bigger
than a bicep, and it needs to be exercised to get stronger. Think of
your words as reps, your paragraphs as sets, your pages as daily
workouts. Think of your laptop as a machine like the one at the gym
where you open and close your inner thighs in front of everyone,
exposing both your insecurities and your genitals. Because that is what
writing is all about.
DON’T PROCRASTINATE
Procrastination is an alluring siren taunting you to google the country where Balki from
Perfect Strangers
was from, and to arrange sticky notes on your dog in the shape of
hilarious dog shorts. A wicked temptress beckoning you to watch your
children, and take showers. Well, it’s time to look procrastination in
the eye and tell that seafaring wench, “Sorry not today, today I write.”
FIGHT THROUGH WRITER’S BLOCK
The blank white page. El Diablo Blanco. El Pollo Loco. Whatever you
choose to call it, staring into the abyss in search of an idea can be
terrifying. But ask yourself this: was Picasso intimidated by the blank
canvas? Was Mozart intimidated by the blank sheet music? Was Edison
intimidated by the blank lightbulb? If you’re still blocked up, ask
yourself more questions, like; Why did I quit my job at TJ Maxx to write
full-time? Can/should I eat this entire box of Apple Jacks? Is
The Price is Right on at 10 or 11?
LEARN FROM THE MASTERS
Mark Twain once said, “Show, don’t tell.” This is an incredibly
important lesson for writers to remember; never get such a giant head
that you feel entitled to throw around obscure phrases like “Show, don’t
tell.” Thanks for nothing, Mr. Cryptic.
FIND YOUR MUSE
Finding a really good muse these days isn’t easy, so plan on going
through quite a few before landing on a winner. Beware of muses who
promise unrealistic timelines for your projects or who wear wizard
clothes. When honing in on a promising new muse, also be on the lookout
for other writers attempting to swoop in and muse-block you. Just be
patient in your search, because the right muse/human relationship can
last a lifetime.
HONE YOUR CRAFT
There are two things more difficult than writing. The first is
editing, the second is expert level Sudoku where there’s literally two
goddamned squares filled in. While editing is a grueling process, if you
really work hard at it, in the end you may find that your piece has
fewer words than it did before, which is great. Perhaps George Bernard
Shaw said it best when upon sending a letter to a close friend, he
wrote, “I’m sorry this letter is so long, I didn’t have time to make it
shorter.” No quote better illustrates the point that writers are very
busy.
ASK FOR FEEDBACK
It’s so easy to hide in your little bubble, typing your little words
with your little fingers on your little laptop from the comfort of your
tiny chair in your miniature little house. I’m taking this tone to
illustrate the importance of developing a thick skin. Remember, the only
kind of criticism that doesn’t make you a better writer is dishonest
criticism. That, and someone telling you that you have weird shoulders.
READ, READ, READ
It’s no secret that great writers are great readers, and that if you
can’t read, your writing will often suffer. Similarly, if you can read
but have to move your lips to get through the longer words, you’ll still
be a pretty bad writer. Also, if you pronounce “espresso” like
“expresso.”
STUDY THE RULES, THEN BREAK THEM
Part of finding your own voice as a writer is finding your own
grammar. Don’t spend your career lost in a sea of copycats when you can
establish your own set of rules. If everyone’s putting periods at the
end of their sentences, put yours in the middle of words. Will it be
incredibly difficult to read? Yes it will. Will it set you on the path
to becoming a literary pioneer? Tough to say, but you’re kind of out of
options at this point.
KEEP IT TOGETHER
A writer’s brain is full of little gifts, like a piñata at a birthday
party. It’s also full of demons, like a piñata at a birthday party in a
mental hospital. The truth is, it’s demons that keep a tortured
writer’s spirit alive, not Tootsie Rolls. Sure they’ll give you a tiny
burst of energy, but they won’t do squat for your writing. So treat your
demons with the respect they deserve, and with enough prescriptions to
keep you wearing pants.
0 comments:
একটি মন্তব্য পোস্ট করুন